Well- Ladies and Gentlemen, today is my two year anniversary of joining DA. Over the years, I have been TORTURED and CORRUPTED. There are a few people on my watch list that I would especially like to blame.

P.S. I HATE YOU ALL.

-- July 27, 2003.

Well, Ms. Sen Sen has been torturing me for close to two years with horrid shades of pink. The woman is obsessed with it!! I think I have developed a serve case of post-traumatic stress from that series of pink emotes she did awhile ago. Not to mention I have a horrid cramp and malformation on my left gut from laughing so hard from her jokes. As if I didn’t have enough problems!!!

-- July 28, 2003

I blame *liliy for my desire to wear capes and make strange cackling and howling noises outside my neighbors doors. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be cool like her character, Augustine. Therefore- she is liable for any intense trauma I inflict on my neighbors.

-- July 28, 2003

Because of her I bought expensive colour pencils, which I later lost. Yeah, somehow this is her fault, not mine.

-- September 23, 2003

Ms. SAM SAM!!! She be responsible for my sweaty armpits at the arcade. I mean, she made that stupid DDR machine look so easy, who knew it could almost MURDER/KILL fat yeti teenager like myself. Not to mention the constant support and love she has given me. Like- now I am cursed with that warm loving feeling inside. It is much WORSE than any sort of heartburn/gas.

-- March 5, 2004

DILDO.

I am corrupted now!!!

-- April 29, 2004

She has dedicated her time to making DA a better place for little peons like myself. I was hoping that this place would turn into a pimping ghetto. Stupidsmartadminperson.

-- May 12, 2004

He is a sensitive male writer, who is apparently straight. (I know- a girl’s worst nightmare).

-- May 26, 2004

She has corrupted me with most-excellent comments and love. Not to mention her own delicious artness. Thanks to her, I am spoiled. Like- before I used to be the very image of deprived coolness.

-- June 6, 2004

She’s purty. She’s talented. She has a love for My Little Ponies. How am I supposed to compete with this. Good thing she feeds me cake on a semi-regular basis.

-- July 15, 2004

He writes long in-depth comments that artistic and observant. All his big words hurt my head. Like- hooked on phonics sooo didn’t work for me.

-- August 4, 2004

She talks of foreign concepts like spaghetti and changing diapers. It extends beyond my cave-girl knowledge.

-- September 12, 2004

He made fun of the emote. I don’t think I can cope with that.

-- October 27, 2004

He has so many accounts, names, and aliases that it reminds me that I can’t count past four.

-- February 9, 2005

His art is so purty it burns my pupils. Now I am forced to endure the horror of an eye patch.

-- April 18, 2005

I feel as though I am being used for my brilliant and vast knowledge of infomercials and pimps and hos. How wonderfully evil and abusive of her.




If did not make it on this list, well then, you need to work on your evil deeds. Either that or I am senile. Probably the second one.

I am BORING.

The reason above, is WHY I never evah in ten jillion years don't update my journal. My "interesting" stories consists of cats running into walls, the curious shades of mold forming on my dishes, and how I managed to rip another hole in my already shredded pair of pajama pants.

(Yeah- I know I look like a bum. This does not stop me from going out in public, although it should).

However, I am hoping to transfer schools this summer. Currently, I am at the local college, which is all fine and dandy except for the serious lack of an art program. They offer studio art, and art education in a small shack on campus.

So basically, I could make really pretty "WILL WORK FOR FOOD" signs with those degrees, since unfortunately, there is very little cash in those career fields.

That's right. I am a art sellout. Don't look so horrified, you should have known I have little to no artistic integrity. It all boils down to being able to buy the nice name brand formula for my bratty cats.

So, I am hoping to be at this one school in New Hampshire within the next couple of months. It depends whether or not I can convince them that despite my bum appearance, I am really lovely underneath it all.

*cough*blatantlie*cough*



I am too lazy to type anything more about the cave mold growing on my walls, or any other exciting facts in my life. So, I'll just have to end it here.

Yeah I know, you are horribly dissapointed.

WHAT?!?!? It has been over two months since I last updated this journal? I am so ashamed of myself.

(NOT).

But- my "adoring" fans, here are ten reasons why I have not updated my journal:

1) A vicious strain of stomach flu prevented me from spending extended periods of time away from the bathroom.

2) I rescued yet another cat (aside from Mr. Bosco) from the Humane Society. She has made herself an official heathen by chewing up one of my leather belts with strings, and puking it all over my brand new rug.

3) I contemplated the meaning of life for 3.46 seconds.

4) I tried to shovel my car out of the drive way, gave up, then went back to bed.

5) I discovered that my middle toe is as long as my big toe, and that has really been freaking me out.

6) My journal are BORING- why would anyone wanna read this crap. The two of you who read this could be cleaning your belly button lint or something constructive.

7) I am a geek and have been playing too much World of Warcraft. I don't understand why the men aren't friggin' flocking to me. *picks wedgie*

8) There is a chunk of ramen noodle lodged between the p and : key on my keyboard. I can't seem to get it out. Whenever I look at it I get all hungry. *stomach growls*

9) I'm a lazy old hag. This typing crap is too much of a work out. *huff puff*

10) I have been horribly distraught over the fact that my sister lost both my "Talk Nerdy To Me" and ACDC shirt. How am I supposed to be remotely cool without them? (Good thing I still have my ninja turtles watch).

---

Yeppers. It's a miracle I survived all the action in my life, let alone find time to pick my nose or update my journal.

My life is as boring as ever. If I wasn't such a lazy old hag, then I would take steps to rectify the situation.

A big if there folks.

However, I did adopt a nice mangy cat. He is not the most handsomest of fellows, but I don't think I could handle a nice pure breed show cat, or even a feline without some dysfunction. I have to keep my white trash status, ya know!



After being plagued with a week full of boners, from Mr. Bosco (I am so creative with my names) I finally managed to get him a lovely appointment to the vet. Which, I must say, was a huge relief, so I didn't have to worry about catching rabies or any other strange diseases and foaming at the mouth.

(At least any more than usual).

The worst part of the whole ordeal was the 30 or so minute drive of purgatory that I had to endure. You would think that I would use the carrier buried in the depths of my shed, but that just seemed like a lot of effort and hassle that I just didn't want to cope with.

So instead, I invested in a lovely hot pink zebra stripped leash to match his purple flea collar just to spite him. Plus- it was a whole dollar cheaper than some of the less embarrassing sets, but my thrifty nature got the better of me, like it always does.

About the time he was rolling down the window trying to escape, I was thinking that I had made a HUGE mistake with the whole carrier business.

After numerous near fatal heart attacks, scratches, and two times he friggin' set the blinker off, I finally managed to get him to vet, both of us in one piece. The rest of it was a rather average adventure, except for the dog who puked on me while in the vets office.

Yummy.

Being an old granny with a lot of cats, it starting to sound like a lot of work. Maybe I should settle for fish, or something else a little less high maintenance. I think in my senile state, talking to a fish would work just as well as some mangy catty.

Mood: Kill me with a spork

My journal is has collected a months worth of crud and dust on it. I know- what a horrible shock.



My life has been boring. But, that is the way I like it. I don't think I could cope with the stress of being exciting or entertaining. Then I might be forced to run a brush through my mane of hair once in awhile.

Yeah, that would be waaaay too much effort on my part.

Still, I did celebrate Thanksgiving, simply because I cannot resist filling my gullet with some good old home cooking. Although, I would have crawled into a cave with a crappy T.V. dinner if I knew my mother was going on strike this year (what happened to the team effort, woman!?!?!?). Do you know how evil it is to do that much peeling, boiling, and baking? My hands are still stained an awful turdy orange/brown from all the stupid veggies.

At least I was able to threaten death to my sister if she didn't pull the giblets out of the turkey. Something about putting my hand down a turkey's butt would have driven me over the edge.



I am going to walk to Canada next year- where they probably laugh at the thought of Thanksgiving. Either that or sneak into the local soup kitchen and chow down on their grub.

Yeppers. I knew my homeless bum appearance would come in handy sometime.



Well- I hope those people who do celebrate Thanksgiving, didn't have to cook. I would give you sympathy, but I need to hoard it for myself.




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